The hardest thing to love

Almost 22 years and counting since the day I was surgically removed from my mother's womb. I remember my mother always telling me how I was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen and then I think about all the years I spent thinking the exact opposite. There is this fear that comes with being different or unique. For some odd reason we're socialized to behave and at least try to maintain the same image (whether body image or reputation). I've always been the tiniest thing next to most girls and no matter what I always found some fat on my body that I felt needed to be chopped off. If it wasn't the fat, it was the nose, the hair, my feet, no boobs, OMG my butt isn't big enough, or my eyes too dark. Young girls and women like never get a break, EVER!

Growing up we have our parents telling us how to look and behave, then when we get to school where you have girls and women holding other expectations over your head, then there's the media of course (don't get me started on that ), and then all the wonderful lovers you'll have in a lifetime that will find something wrong with you to complain about. Oh I forgot about all the loser boys you will run in to as children and into your adulthood who will pick at any thing to make you feel like a freak because they think there's something wrong with you for not looking like Angelina Jolie.

Then for a huge portion of our lives we are doing what we can to make everyone love and appreciate us. It get to the point where we forget who we are. I think that we should all embrace what we are and who we are. Women come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, and personalities. From the tattooed queens to the most conservative ladies of them all. I mean why would we ever want to live in a world where every one was blond, blue eyed, long haired and skinny? Um, can you say yawn ? Our differences is what makes us so damn beautiful and hard to find. We're all a rarity, you just need to love it as much as the very thing that created us all. *whatever your belief is in that department*

A secret revealed!

So it seems to me that since the beginning of time the whole dating/love scene for women is sorta; crazy. To be frank, I think we settle too often. We'll (not all OKAY) allow people to do and say whatever they please long as they stay because we can't stand to be alone. A woman on her own?! What the hell is wrong with that ?!?!?! I believe it has a lot to do with our society that tells us since we were basically toddlers that everything will be alright after finding a man. "The knight in shining armor" complex has (for centuries) been this cruel ideal that we are supposed to wait around until Mr. Right comes along our way, and all will be right in the world. Then after playing the field a bit, we realize this game is either rigged or somehow impossible. We become dependent on it, we breathe it, eat it, and cry ourselves to sleep with it.

Its taken over our minds ladies and let me tell you the secret of all secrets; THERE IS NO MR. PERFECT! You will never find a man or woman (whatever floats your boat) that will be unflawed and sent from the gods. We shouldn't waste our times with this foolish notion of being rescued by some shirtless sexy guy. Nope, not going to happen. yea I know I basically ruined every little girl's dream. Truth is, is that we as girls and women must make a name for ourselves in this world. We must shine brightly, set out goals, and motivate ourselves to push forward through the rough patches. I believe there is somebody for everybody, but to revolve your entire existence upon it is very Cinderella or Snow White of you. Get a damn life!You need to make you happy first.

Women and gender roles

gender roles

I know that Now a days we'd like to believe that we don't hold the same standards when it comes to gender. we here in America are civilized the enslavement of ppl don't exist. sexism psssht; a thing of the past. listen the only difference really from the 50's until now is that women have the freedom to make some choices                      (education, employment, etc). even with our new found independence (in some any way) we still are expected to be the domesticated ones. you don't know how many times my own relatives would ask me if i learned how to cook yet, so that i can get married. They laugh like its a joke but they really feel that way because they live the typicaI life of a house wife. Even under ridiculous amounts of pressure from our daily lives we are expected to also be the good "house wife". I know that there are women out there who work full time, go to school, raise children and at the end of the day expected to feed her husband and wash clothes. why is that? believe it or not even if you don't share this particular belief; there are many who do. within our subcultures within this huge america, we as women are allowed some liberties this country offers while still adhering to their country of origins guidelines. prime example, I know of a Woman my age that was from the middle east and she was absolutely wonderful. great personality and I knew that she had the talent to do whatever it is she ever set out to do. Her father believed strongly in education even for his girls and allowed her to attend college after high school. she would tell me all the time how men and her relatives would come from all over to ask for hand in marriage. I was somewhat relieved that at the age of 17 that at least her father allowed her to choose a suitor of her liking. The pressures of not only American values but of her own country weighed heavy on her shoulders then. I was able to discover the parts of her no one ever knew of because it would be seen as bad. soon after I transferred to another school a couple years later of getting to know her she got married and changed into something I hadn't known her to be. all I'm saying is why do we as women fall into that trap of acceptance? why do we become so afraid to be who we are and what we are? why cant it be normal for women to just do as they please like men without being persecuted for it? we all know it's not the same especially when we talk about sexuality next time. just some food for thought, I think we spend so much time discussing what occurs here in our immediate surroundings or society to women but what about globally? we will get in to so much more but for now, women keep your heads up, fists higher, and your hearts lifted.

Women igniting, uniting, and fighting

There's a too common theme among women that as women we rarely discuss. Yes people; jealousy and friendship. Women are known to (well let's face it) not trust each other. Many of us spend so much time on competing with one another. Whether its beauty, men, attention seeking, studies, or whatever; women are constantly on the battle field with one another. Now why is this? Why is it that instead of trusting our sisters and creating meaningful relationships with one another we judge, fight, and compete? We're so quick to say she's ugly, she's this, she's that; without truly getting to know the individual. It shows a lack of self esteem that we have lost at some point in our lives.We are under constant scrutiny. Held under microscopes by society. Now we even do it ourselves. I'll admit that for many years I did not have a group of women or girls that I confided in and befriended. Truth of the matter was that every time I'd try, drama occurs. We begin like little crickets in the background judging one another within our smaller groups until it becomes a out right war of words. There was always a problem with me being friends with some boy that my friend likes, or the " I heard you said something about my hair the other day", or just the plain ol' "you're too different than us". So I stood as far away from women and then of course I had a lot of guys friends which made me a "whore" apparently. Is it not funny, the way we've turned on each other over of the course of history? What I ask with this post is that we take a look within ourselves and question what it is that makes us turn on one another? What keeps us at a distance with other women? What can we do to begin uniting, and fight the real enemies. NO IT IS NOT MEN! It's our ideals, societies traditional view on women. I think the first step is to come together to talk about these issues that plague us as women and begin to love what we are.Women keep your heads up, your fists higher, and those hearts lifted.

How far is too far? and who's fault is it anyway?

Well this subject matter actually came to me during this weekend's randevu with a few of my lady friends. We had all decided to hang out and go to a local lounge to have a few drinks, chit chat, and possibly dance. As usual we set out to have a great time at a lounge. It wasn't very big, but perfect for what we were attempting to accomplish with this particular Saturday night. Most of the young ladies that are my friends are in their early to mid twenties and are not single. I can't really speak for them but I've become more apprehensive on going to events such as these for many reasons but the main one is; disgusting drunk men who think it is more than acceptable to grope on whatever comes through the door. My friends and I wanted to make our way to the outside (quieter) patio, but in order to do this we had to of course go through a massive crowd of drunken people. We held hands and made our ways through the crowd without trying to draw any attention to us. what do you know? Men from all sides called us all sorts of things, grabbed at our hair and touched any parts they could. If you are a woman or possibly a man, then you know what I'm talking about. The dreaded crowds of men who as you make your way across the dance floor call you things like sexy or shorty, then proceed on actually groping you or grabbing your wrist demanding you dance with them. Why is it that we sometimes ignore that behavior or dismiss it in order to go about our day without it ending in you slapping someone in the face for devaluing you? I think that we as women (men too) have come to accept this never ending belief that "boys will be boys". Why do we laugh it off? Is it because its the only thing to do when we know deep in our hearts this type of behavior will always exist in some form? Whether people verbalize it or not if we can be truly honest with ourselves I think we can come to realize that there is this underlying sexual harassment by men on an everyday basis that we feel powerless to. The "cat" calling, the " I want to sex you eyes", and the physical gestures or assaults we take on a day to day basis is something that needs to become unacceptable. Living as a woman I've at come to see things in a much different way than perhaps other women or men. Life is hard enough as it being a second class citizen in your own country, but to have to deal with the sexism of mainstream America and the constant sexualizing of our bodies is even harder. Because it right in your face, everyday. Things in this country and in many others (as we shall discuss and bring up in other posts) have gone too far. Women can no longer feel comfortable in their own skins, we don't feel protected like men, and its a scary world. Who's fault is it ? Is it men? Is it women? Both? Or is it something that is a product of something much bigger? In this blog we will attempt to answer many questions such as these and discuss topics that aren't always talked about. I would really like many to comment and respond (whatever your opinion is). All that I ask is for no negativity! This blog was created for intellectual stimulation and for women to have a forum where they can feel safe to discuss issues that concern them. If you do try and write something demeaning and disrespectful I will report you. Thank you and much love to all. Women keep your heads up, your fists higher, and those hearts lifted. It can be a different world if we want it to be.